deafening whispers

i'll be getting a new userID

or perhaps not in Tabulas anymore. haha.

 this blog is intented for strangers to read.if ever those strangers become my friends, that's OK. but if ever my friends who knows me in the real world read this, then, that's the problem.

you see. my rants here are not my rants in the real world. i throw it all here so that i wont harm anyone i know. after i exaggeratedly pout them all out here, i can face my world with a lighter heart. that's what blogging is for me. but lately someone's been reading my blogs... my rants. my stupid, immature, bullshit rants. and i don't want people i know to read that. the reason why i picked this blog is because of the anonymity.

it's my fault anyway.

so i guess im moving out.

i love this place. it's where i go when the world doesn't understand me. it's where i shout my deepest thoughts. it's where i bleed the bitterest words. and no matter how i hate the world here, they understand. sometimes, more than just they understand, they relate.

hayy. imma miss this place. 4 years of blogging... gone. 

i dont believe in love anymore

hopefully a more decent 'ad' for the beachouse

Potipot Island






and Yes, this island is just in front of our beachouse in Zambales.

FAQs:

What's on the Island Anyway?
what's on this island? nothing. really. no electricity. no cable. may signal naman ang Cellphone. no decent public restrooms. no sari sari stores. (there actually is one, but halos wala kang mabibili.) So, there's nothing on this island. nothing but pure peace, and silence, and way less than the crowd in Galera and Bora. white sand. clear waters. and the best sunsets i've ever seen. (well, i'm biased because it IS the only sunset beach i've been.)
So what's on the island? Nothing, but solitude. back to basics.

maiikot mo yung island in 10-20 minutes



What's Unique?

Well, the white sand, I guess. On one side of the island, going around 5 meters off shore, sobrang lalim na. On the other side, kahit 30 meters away ka na sa shore, hanggang baywang parin ang tubig. Sa back side nung island, may mga dead trees doon na masarap magpapicture at dun magandang manood ng sunset. Just don't forget to wear slippers dahil medyo masakit sa paa yung sand and stones sa part na yun. Sa other side naman ng island, pinong pino ang sand.

and being the Biologist that i am, napakaraming Crustaceans and Echinoderms dun (corals and starfishes), actually, dun nga ang Thesis Site namin eh.

Travel? Commute? Travel Time?
If you're commuting, take Victory Liner (it's the only Bus that travels the whole Zambales) and take the ones going to Sta Cruz. If the Caloocan station if full, try contacting the other stations like Cubao, and Sampaloc (near UST).Fare is 400+. Takes more or less 6-7 hours travel time by day, and 4-5 hours by night.

Driving there will take around 4-5 hours too.
Take NLEX, exit on Dau (toll fee: manila to dau is 180 pesos).
then take SCTEX exit to Subic (toll fee: 112pesos),
enter SBMA (toll fee 19 pesos),
exit to Kalaklan gate.
Take left to Subic.
Then just follow a the straight main road for around 2 hours.
Follow signs that say "to Sta Cruz"
Basically, from Subic to Candelaria, it's just a straight path. you only have to turn right once (im sure you wont miss this T-junction) at San Marcelino.
When you pass by a Suspended bridge, that means you're in Candelaria.
8kms from the Bridge, is our Resort, on the left side.
There's a sign there that says, "Beach Haus ni Dok." (The name of the resort sounds like a joke, but that's how the locals call the beach house, so we adapted it)

Room Rates:

Room for 2-4 People: Php 1700
Bed for 2, extra Beddings for 2 more people
with Bathroom
Airconditioned



Room for 4-6 People: Php 2000
Bed for 3, extra Beddings for 3 more people
with Bathroom
Airconditioned

*car not included. haha


Room for 6-8 People: Php 2500
Bed for 3, extra Beddings for 5 more people
room is 1.5-2x as big as the small rooms
with Bathroom (twice as big as other's bathrooms)
Airconditioned


Tree House Php2500
for 10-12 people
3 Floors
1st Floor: Sala, Sink
2nd Floor: Bathroom, Shower Room, Sink, Beds
3rd Floor: more Beddings




and the Main House Php5,000
for 15-20 people
2 Floors
2 Bedrooms with Aircon
1 Attic with 2-3 Beds
with Sala, Kitchen, Terrace, and Dining Area
3 Bathrooms
and You'll feel like you own the whole beachouse when you stay here. haha.


when you're checked-in on any of the rooms, you can use the Function Hall (?) in front of the Beach and the Showers in front of the beach for Free.


Other Stuff

Tent:
for 10 - 1500
for 5 - 800
for 3 - 500



kung magluluto:
Kalan: 300/day
provided na dun xempre yung mga kaldero and stuff EXCEPT utensils
Grille: Free. Dala nalang kayo ng uling.

Videoke: 100 per hour

Boat to Potipot
Php 500 round trip, maximum of 10
safe, and life vest included
6AM to 6PM

Check-in time:
12Noon

Early Checkin: Additional 500

if you're checking in on weekdays, there's a 500pesos off per room

i guess that's about everything. If you have questions please don't hesitate to text me, 09154875814

okie?

i'll post more pics soon.

(kailangan ko ng Pangtuition Next Semester. So, tulong naman. joke. hahaha)

there was a boy.

he wrote a letter for someone.

someone whom he doesnt know yet, but he knows she will come.

he wrote the perfect words for her.

saying that he loves her before they even meet. saying how he lost everything in his quests for love, but still went up to regain everything, just for her. it was the best letter he'd ever written.

and then he waited.

and thought of the perfect moments.

and dreamed of that forever with her before they even met.

he kept that letter and waited for her. and waited. and hoped. and lived his life. and lived. and waited. and patiently waited.

he imagined and wondered how happy are they gonna be that day the guy will show the letter to her. he imagined what her face would look like. how will she react.

and then the Girl came.

The Girl was perfect. perfect hair and skin. and the right amuint of craziness and weirdness. The right mix of intellect and heart. Words cannot wrap her glow. a glow in her that comes from sheer power. (and i lefted that one from her friendster, haha)

she was what he exactly imagined her to be.

 

But the problem with the guy...

is that he just can't control his love.

and emotions.

and hormones.

his love was just too strong. too strong at it hurt her. too strong that it posessed her. too raw that it doesnt know what to do. in psychiatry, we call it the id. raw and unafraid. wild and untamed.

he doesnt know how to handle a love too great. maybe too great for him to hold.

because of that, it scared the girl.

she made a wall between them. and the girl moved on.

but the guy was unaware. he thought everything's just fine. until, day by day, he realized... she. was. gone.

before they bid goodbye to each other, the guy didnt let her go away just like that.

he showed the long kept letter. the letter that was really meant for her.

but then...

she said...

it was too late.

she already moved on.

there goes his shot.
there goes his letter.
there goes his heart.
there goes the girl whom he'd been waiting for all this time.

...

there was a boy.

he wrote. he waited.

she reads. she leaves.

it was the boy's fault.

the boy, was again, alone.

this is just a phase. 

part of the process. 

it will be over someday.

and i know... i know. i will believe in Love again.

he was blindfolded..
clasped both hands
and walked,
and was pushed.

he got different blows.
hits here and there.
stabs of inhumane torture
he was pulled.
and dragged.
and drenched.

he lost everything.

he got nothing.

and it's not over yet.
his life bitched some more.
and more.
and a lot more.

but he stood.
and fought.

because he had no choice but to fight.
and accept.
that
that
is
how
it's
supposed
to
be.

but before he went on
he clasped his hands.
and sat down.
and cried for just a while.
and opened his heart.
poured it like it's never been poured before.
and he held a cross.
lit a glass candle.
and felt the fume of the fresh midnight air.
and shouted.
and shouted like he had never shouted before.

he felt better.
a lot better.
he remained blindfolded.
but went back
with a guiding hand with him to lead the way.

after everything...

this.
shall.
pass.

he said a little prayer.
and went on with his healing.
and continued fighting.
and said, "i'm ok... i'm ok"

 

to michelle ann santillan.

i know you're reading this. 

 

no p waves. or t waves. or qrs waves.

a line flat out after tachycardia, and hypertopy, and hyperrtension. the heart just gave up.

just a plain dull sound of buzz from the screen. that old familiar tone we hear in movies, and in TV... the tone you don't want to hear near you. cause it might me yours.

no heartbeat. no depolarization of nodes. no pumps. zero mean arterial pressure.

the flat line. that green horizontal line of the electrocardiograph.

my heart died today.

i've been singing my eulogies for the whole week and now it's just time for it to just die. i can't move since you texted me that. i just went blank. and empty. and dead.

they say when a person dies, he doesnt feel pain anymore.

but when just the heart dies. the pain lingers and excruciates more. and kills you more. god it hurts. so much.

i dont believe in love.

i've always been trying. and failing. it's just not for me. never for me. and will never be for me.

i am everything but me 

it was raining.
but he still went out,
and up,
just to stare at the stars.
another night of

and wondered, and hoped that they are looking on one single star
and he thought,
"of all the stars in the universe,
what are the odds that we are both looking at the same twinkling light?"

they may be under one big sky.
and under the glow of one great moon.
but if he and she are looking at two totally different stars...
then their eyes are set on stars that are light years away.

...or, does she even look at stars?

------
"and i kept myself a secret lover.
and i kissed you silently with all the strength of my heart
and the universe blushed, as it lay itself upon us."
------